The next Predator movie

Watching Alien Vs. Predator started me thinking about how none of the Predator sequels have come close to being as good as the original. I think it’s partly because the first Predator movie was as much about the good guys as it was about the predator, whereas I think all the sequels have been much more about the predator; and when you’re pitting two non-speaking monsters against each other and you make that the focus of your movie, it’s inevitable that the script is going to be lacking. I’ve come to the conclusion that the first movie will always stand out because of the sheer machismo of Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his team of commandoes.

I firmly believe that the next Predator movie should go back to basics and feature some modern day muscle. The only problem with the idea is we no longer have any musclebound action stars in the same league as Schwarzenegger. Today’s action stars are an unlikely and undesirable mix that includes a few relics from the ’80s, some dubious Asian imports and a miscellany of actors who have bizarrely found themselves offered action roles now that steroid usage no longer appears to be a prerequisite.

That the movie-going public will actually pay good money to watch a heavily-botoxed Sylvester Stallone thrust back into the jungle one more time is a testament to the appeal of good old-fashioned, no frills action movies. I remember watching an interview with Ryuhei Kitamura, the director of Versus, in which he said he learnt his craft from watching Mark L. Lester’s Commando over and over again. At the time, I thought it was funny, but actually making movies like Commando seems to be a bit of a lost art.

The first Predator movie featured a commando team of seven, which seems a pretty good model to me. I could only come up with six casting choices for any hypothetical next instalment, and here they are for your amusement:

1. Dwayne Johnson/The Rock

The Rock more than adequately fills the same wrestler quotient established by Jesse Ventura in the first Predator movie. Actually, I just really enjoy watching The Rock on screen. He’s my number one choice.

2. Vin Diesel

Probably the most obvious choice on my list, since he already stared in Pitch Black, a movie that drew heavily from Aliens.

3. Ving Rhames

I guess Ving Rhames reminds me a bit of Bill Duke, who played Mac in the first movie. I think Rhames, with his ultra-deep voice, is even cooler, though.

4. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Best known as Mr Eko in Lost, but I’ve been a massive fan of the most unpronounceable actor in show business since he played Adebisi in the HBO show Oz. He’s playing Heavy Duty in the upcoming G. I. Joe movie, so I guess somebody other than myself thought he’d look good toting a mini-gun.

5. Matthew McConaughey

“Matthew McConaughey? What? Who? WHY?!” you ask. Well, some time ago, someone in Hollywood must have given McConaughey a difficult decision: on the one hand, he could fight it out with all the other actors in Hollywood for the best available roles, or he could carve a niche for himself by starring in one cliché-ridden romcom after another. McConaughey clearly opted for the latter. However, I saw him in Reign of Fire and I won’t even let the impression he made be diminished by Sahara. McConaughey has a lot of untapped action movie potential.

6. Erik King

Like Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Erik King cut his teeth in Oz. More recently he played Sergeant Doakes, a former black ops soldier, in Showtime’s Dexter.

So there you have it. Put them in the Middle East, fighting the Predator in caves, in a kind of hunt for Osama Bin Laden allegory, and you have a return to form and a big hit on your hands, I’m sure.

By the way, if you’re wondering why I didn’t pick Jason Statham, it’s because he’s rubbish.


One Response to “The next Predator movie”

  1. Where’s Jason Statham?

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