Assvatar

Apparently there's a porn version of Avatar in the works. I kid you not, it’s called Assvatar. I don’t know whether it’s going to be in 3D, but let’s hope so. Ever since I first heard about Avatar, I thought, My God, this is going to revolutionise the pornography industry.

I saw Avatar in 3D at Imax, which was definitely an intense viewing experience. I personally feel like James Cameron didn’t have much choice but to make a sci-fi fantasy film once he decided he was going to direct a feature length 3D blockbuster. The reason is simply that if you’re going to focus on making something visually stunning, it doesn’t make much sense to use familiar, pedestrian landscapes. Would you want to watch a movie set in a familiar city like London in 3D? I probably wouldn’t, and I doubt many would, because the effect wouldn’t add enough to the viewing experience. This essentially means that 3D is going to be reserved for certain types of movies for the foreseeable future.

Once you get past the visuals, Avatar unfortunately amounts to a dodgy science fiction rip-off of Dances With Wolves. The story is completely predictable and the scripting is atrocious, which is kind of bizarre when you think how much creative talent has been poured into the movie’s production. The movie is also far too long, because it’s not a complicated story and the effects just don’t need to be showcased longer than 90 minutes. Because my eyes were desperately trying to focus on things which were permanently out of focus, I left with a slight headache; but I think the headache was exacerbated by the frustration of knowing that as innovative as Avatar is supposed to be, strip away the flash and the film has less to offer than some video game cut scenes.

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